Toxic Traditions

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. During this time of a pandemic, I would hope that you’re choosing to stay safe regardless. Not all of us have the “option” of saying no to family gatherings. This is your friendly reminder that you do have a choice. All of the hurt and pain that has been brought to you is not healthy or fair. You are more than worthy of stepping back and saying “I refuse”. You are strong enough to stand up for what is right. You are worthy enough to receive healthy love. Especially in times like these. It may seem like you’re stuck in place, locked into these plans, but I promise you that you are not! It doesn’t matter what anyone else says about the matter, you must protect yourself from further harm!

If there is absolutely no way of avoiding these gatherings, here are a few tips on surviving the ordeal:

1. Stand up. Feel the strength flowing through you, don’t allow their toxicity to dwarf the raw power you hold inside. For years you have not only survived this, you have broken generational curses and changed your family’s future! You are strong and brave and bold, in all the best ways. Regardless of the lies others will spew at you, be true to your spirit and rise up against harm.

2. Speak! There is no greater power than using your voice to shut down toxic behaviours. Whether it be a family member that is speaking about you, or about others in a way that’s uncomfortable for you. They will react, this we know. It’s in how you handle that reaction that determines your future. You can stay silent and allow their hate to continue spewing, or you can be that voice of love. (If speaking up will put you in physical danger DO NOT engage.)

3. Walk away. I know it sounds so simple, but we all know that caught up in the moment we can freeze and remain in that hostility. Don’t be afraid to seem rude, don’t make it into a scene if it can be helped (make a scene if necessary), don’t stay there listening to the negativity. You are NOT responsible for how others feel in regards to protecting yourself. If it follows you around, get out of there. Go home knowing that you tried and it didn’t work. You did your best. Be proud of that.

4. Have a conversation before. Set a plan in place with a partner, a friend, a relative you trust. Put together a strategy for how to get you out of there if the need should arise. Going in with a way out will make it ten times easier to pull the plug and get out of there. At the smallest belief that things are going south, you run like the brave soul you are. Trust your intuition, don’t be afraid of feeling as if you overreacted, and above all you must honor your own needs.

This is a difficult time of the year for so many. There’s stress over events, upcoming holidays, finances, safety, the current state of the world even. It’s a lot, and it’s hard, and most days it is downright exhausting. Please don’t allow others to bring you down even further. You’ve already made the choice to be different than where you came from. That much is evident by you ending up here. Now, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, please be safe this holiday season. My family will be staying home, and I hope yours will too for the safety of others. If you’re not able to do that I ask you to look inside at what is telling you to be there. Is it love? Is it a sense of obligation or duty? Is it a place to see a few loved ones despite the trauma that comes with it? Don’t feel trapped, don’t set yourself up for that pain, don’t accept less than you deserve. Trust me when I say that there is ALWAYS a way. I have been in the deepest depths of despair and somehow I made it through. You can as well if you’ll choose to put yourself first and step out of that toxicity. And if anything in you feels like you deserve the pain others are bringing you, please reach out. You are worthy, you are loved, you matter.